


Coming Home

by heavenwrites



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Post-War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24122638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenwrites/pseuds/heavenwrites
Summary: Sakura always thought that everybody deserves to have someone to come home to.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi
Comments: 18
Kudos: 120





	1. home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though this ship is very precious to me, this is my first KakaSaku work, so please bear with me. 
> 
> It's supposed to be mostly just fluff and not very plot driven, but I hope you guys enjoy it!

To Sakura, there’s no other feeling like coming home. Although she loves being out on missions and the always pleasant thrill of getting the job done, nothing else compares to the relief that sets inside her when the gates of Konoha become visible through the treeline. She sure as hell knows that many before her never got the chance to see those gates one more time, which wasn’t that unusual given the dangerous lifestyle of most shinobi, even at times of peace. They all chose to devote their lives to the village, and that decision many times meant that someday you could leave for a mission and never come back.

These days Sakura doesn’t leave on missions as much as she used to when she was still on Team 7 or even Team Kakashi, given that now she has a high rank in the hospital and is only assigned to a mission when it specifically requires the set of skills that only few ninja such as herself possessed (a medic-nin who’s able to hold her own in battles is still a rare asset these days). Still, on the rare occasion that she did have to leave, coming home was always a great relief. Especially after the war many years ago, Sakura learned to never take things for granted, and there was nothing more precious than being able to live another day.

That’s why she comes up with a little coming-home tradition throughout the years of always checking up on her friends even before she goes to deliver her mission report. She finds herself eating ramen at Ichiraku with Naruto even though she’s still battered and bruised from her latest mission, or hanging out in the Yamanaka flower shop on the rare occasion that Ino watches over the store for her mom, instead of burying herself in the deepest levels of the Interrogation building.

Even more frequently, Sakura heads over to the Hokage tower and spends some quality time with Kakashi, knowing that the man’s practically unable to function without her nowadays, and that his inclination to sulk with how much paperwork he has to deal with on a daily basis will eventually get the best of him if she isn’t there to prevent it.

Of course, the logical part of Sakura’s brain knows that he does just fine on his own, like he had done most of his life, but she likes to think that she does Kakashi at least a little good, and that her efforts makes his days the tiniest bit easier. Sakura always thought that everybody deserves to have someone to come home to, and even though she’s the one leaving while he’s sitting at his desk all day, she still wants to be there with him every time she returns from a mission. A tradition to make up for all the times he came back to find an empty home.

This time, Sakura only takes the time to go home and shower – she’d been covered in grime and sweat, and her hair looked a mess – before heading to the Hokage tower. The sun is setting low on the horizon as she climbs the first set of steps – which means that office hours are probably already done –, so instead of going to his office, Sakura heads straight to Kakashi’s chambers. She doesn’t see anyone and can’t detect any chakra signatures on her way there, but she knows there are many ANBU guards surveilling the area in the shadows, and that they only let her through because she’s such a constant present at the tower.

Sakura knocks on the door briefly, flaring her chakra once so he knows it’s her, and runs her fingers through her still damp hair as she waits for Kakashi to open up. When he finally does, after a few brief seconds, she gives him a small friendly smile before coming in through the gap he opened for her to pass.

“Yo,” he greets, his eyes creasing slightly in his characteristic smile. “Just coming back from a mission?”

“Yeah, I’ve been back for merely an hour,” Sakura answers, her voice echoing through the kitchen area as she goes to grab the tea kettle in the top cabinet, something she’s done so many times already that it feels just as natural as doing so at her own place. “Nothing unusual, no major injuries. It went just as planned, really. I don't know why you keep sending me on these 'highly specific' missions, when there's hardly anything special I can bring to the table. I'm sure any other medic would do just fine,” She puts the kettle on the stove and leans against one of the counters while she waits for the water to boil. “I’m starting to think you just want to see me gone. Am I not doing a good job at the hospital?” Her emerald irises reflect pure innocence, a look that’s completely dissonant with her teasing tone.

“Bah, Sakura, I do hear rather regular complaints about your bedside manners. Perhaps you shouldn’t intimidate your patients into cooperating, sick people don’t want to fear for their lives while in the hospital.” His voice too holds a mocking tone, and both of them know he’s actually alluding to all the times in the past Sakura had threatened to punch him all the way to the Hokage monument if he didn’t show up for his regular check-ups. He’s a grown man, for god’s sake, and if he can look actual death in the face countless times and come out mostly unscathed, then she doesn’t feel a sliver of guilt for beating him into submission and making him take care of his own health.

She huffs in response and goes to retrieve two mugs from the cabinet as the kettle starts to whistle, then proceeds to pour them both green tea while murmuring under her breath about stubborn shinobi with hospital phobia.

Sakura hands one steaming mug – the one with dog paws printed all over it – to Kakashi and then trails after him to the living room, taking her spot next to him on the couch. “Have you drowned in paperwork yet or have you finally convinced Shikamaru to sign official documents for you?”

It’s Kakashi’s turn to huff, his breath mingling with the steam coming from the still untouched tea. He may be a pro at drinking and eating without letting anyone catch a glimpse of his bare face, but hot liquids still give him trouble, so he has to wait, like a mere mortal, for it to cool before taking a quick sip. “Apparently it would be too troublesome. I keep telling him that’s pretty much the _definition_ of the job, but he’s hardly ever sympathetic,” a fat sigh escapes him then, the hand that doesn’t hold the mug going to ruffle his own silver hair. “I’m too old for this job, Sakura.”

“No, you’re just too lazy,” Sakura answers matter-of-factly, but her voice is sweet and there’s a small smile dancing on her lips. “You’d just rather spend your day reading porn and napping on trees.”

Kakashi just shruggs – because it was so obviously true –, but Sakura swears she hears him murmuring something like “adult literature” under his breath.

The both of them just fall into comfortable silence then, and after a while she stands to retrieve a pen and a scroll from his desk, while he takes out Icha Icha from his pocket and starts reading it for the thousandth time. Sakura never understood the appeal of the series, but she couldn’t very well argue with someone who had Jiraya – not the legendary sannin and actual kind man, because of course she respects him very much for _that_ , but the pervert porn writer – as a personal hero. There’s absolutely no logic behind that.

Sakura doesn’t know what’s so special about these kinds of moments, when she would just sit in silence next to Kakashi while both indulged in different activities, but there’s something about it that makes her feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Of course, she enjoys spending time with all her friends, but somehow this feels different. Sakura doesn’t know when exactly she stopped seeing Kakashi just as a friendly comrade and started actively seeking his company. Perhaps when you went through so much with a person – failed missions, losing friends, fighting a war, failing in general –, it was hard not to find some weird kind of comfort in their presence. There was between Kakashi and Sakura the kind of silent understanding that even Naruto or her other friends couldn’t fully grasp – they shared a sense of failure, of feeling responsible for someone and not being able to do much to help them, that Naruto could never completely understand.

However, they’re bound not only by bad feelings and awkward decisions, but also by comfortable moments and laughing after boring meetings. Making silly jokes and snark comments, but mostly by just being there for each other when they needed the most, when other people couldn’t see through the cracks in their armor (underneath the underneath). It’s all so very domestic in a way, but it feels so _right_ that Sakura doesn’t even bother feeling scared about how fondly she thinks of Kakashi these days.

In the silence, she finds herself easily lost in thought. She starts writing her mission report to deliver in the morning, and is about half-way through when she hears the soft snores coming from the other side of the couch.

Icha Icha was left open, forgotten on Kakashi’s chest, and one of his hands is hanging over the edge of the couch. Although he’s now on a more laying position, his neck is still on a weird angle that’s sure to make him sore in the morning, but Sakura doesn’t want to risk waking him up by moving him, especially now that he looks so serene. Even at times of peace and his somewhat boring routine, she doubts he gets much quality sleep other than quick naps.

She walks to his bedroom to get a blanket and a pillow and does her best to make him comfortable without moving him too much. Sakura then takes both empty mugs from the coffee table and washes them quickly in the kitchen sink, putting the clean dry china back in the cabinet.

At last, she turns the lights off, but leaves the blinds slightly open so the moonshine can get through the windows – she doesn’t quite know when she’d acquired that piece of information, but Kakashi slept better with a little light, other than complete darkness.

After gathering the scroll with half her mission report written, Sakura gives him a soft kiss on the cheek and goes out the door. If she glances at the sleeping man one last time and thinks about how much she wants to make him happy, well, that’s her secret to keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have one or two other chapters planned for this and, since I have a pretty good idea where's it's going, it shouldn't take very long. 
> 
> Thoughts are appreciated!


	2. healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised this story would be mostly fluff, but this chapter felt important. Hope you guys enjoy it despite the somewhat heavier tones it contains.
> 
> Oh, and remember this is unbeta'd, so I apologize for any mistakes.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, and I also don't own a certain line of dialogue I included here. All credit goes to the respective owners.

Sakura wakes up to bright lights and a painfully stark white ceiling, her eyes snapping back shut on their own accord just a mere second after being opened. It doesn’t take her very long to realize she’s in the hospital, and it actually feels kind of weird being the one on a bed for a change. The strong scent of antiseptic and the somewhat rough feel of the sheets under her fingertips are unmistakable, and for a moment she wonders if everyone who wakes up in the hospital feels the same way that she does right now: terrible and sore and just wishing to get out of there as soon as humanly possible.

  
  


Another inconvenience is that her memories seems to be clouded by a thick mist, details that should be easily remembered, under normal circumstances, just out of her grasp. What the hell had happened to her? Sakura recalls being on her way back fromWind Country with her team after completing the mission, when….

  
  


_Oh_ , she thinks dryly, suddenly very aware of the images that flood her brain. For this specific mission, Sakura was put in an ANBU squad as their medic – which was unusual, but not totally unheard of –, despite not having any experience in their line of work. Their objective was to retrieve some scrolls containing kinjutsu stolen from Konoha files a while back, that were now held in an archive in a minor village in Wind Country. Obviously, not being used to ANBU operational guidelines, Sakura was instructed not to engage in any sort of combat, given that she was there just to offer medical support in case anything went wrong.

  
  


For the most part, the mission went as planned. The ANBU squad infiltrated the building to retrieve the scrolls, while Sakura waited by the camp they set up for the previous night, about two or three miles away from the small village. She took watch, her alert emerald eyes scrutinizing the tree area constantly in search for any unusual movement. Perhaps it was her lucky day, and nothing could be seen other than the occasional birds landing on the branches ahead.

  
  


It only took her comrades a few short hours to return with the scrolls, looking mostly unscathed. When Sakura finished scanning her teammates for potential injuries, the group of four shinobi immediately set off back to the village.

  
  


The squad was about fifty miles past the Fire Country border when they were ambushed. Turned out the mission didn’t require elite ninja for just no reason. The group of missing-nin, whose faces Sakura recognized from the latest update on the Bingo Book, had no way of knowing which one of them was in possession of the scrolls. That fact didn’t matter much, though, because they all decided to strike at the same time, so there wouldn’t be much time for the ANBU squad to decide what the best course of action was. Sakura had barely a second to gather enough chakra in one of her fists before slamming it to the enemy’s chest.

  
  


For what seemed like an eternity – although it could have been mere seconds for all she knew, the adrenaline that coursed through her veins making it impossible for Sakura to concentrate on anything that wasn’t the immediate enemy in front of her –, all that could be heard was chaotic battle noise. Sounds of jutsu clashing, swords clinging, and a cacophony of limbs crashing together.

  
  


Then there was nothing but silence. The small clearing was covered in fallen bodies, and only three masked ninja were left standing. Sakura let out a sound of relief, even though she was sore and bruised.

  
  


_Wait, three_ _ninja_ _?_ That’s when she saw it. One of her squad members was on the ground, a huge crack on his bear mask and his breath coming out in shallow puffs. There was a katana imbued deep in his chest, a large volume of blood pouring from the wound.

  
  


“Bear-san!” Sakura immediately dropped next to him, her hands already glowing green while she used chakra to assess his injuries. The blade had punctured his right lung, which caused the trouble breathing. She couldn’t simply remove the sword, or he’d die from intensive bleeding, so Sakura would have to just work around it. Time was of great importance, and she didn’t have much to begin with, her teammate's heartbeats fewer and far between by the second.

  
  


Until they stopped altogether.

  
  


With her brows knitted together in deep concentration, Sakura kept going even after his heart stopped beating. She refused to let him go, to let a comrade die on her watch. The woman knew that her chakra reserves were running low, but she couldn’t very well give up on his life. Those who break the rules were scum, but abandoning a teammate would make her worse than scum.

  
  


For a moment, she considered using her own hands to imitate a heartbeat, like she had done with Naruto all those years ago during the war, but knew it wouldn’t work. Bear-san didn’t even have enough blood left in his body to be pumped. He was gone. All her knowledge and techniques were useless now.

  
  


She was unable to tear her hands away from the man until someone else did it for her, Wolf-san whispering softly that there was nothing more she could’ve done. Sakura insisted on healing their wounds as well, but both ANBU refused, claiming that they could deal just fine with a few cuts and bruises. Besides, they argued that she needed to preserve some chakra for the journey home.

  
  


Her fingers shook violently, and she stared blankly ahead, green eyes unseeing, for the rest of the way back to the village. Not to fall apart until she could see the gates of Konohagakure was all she could muster, but Sakura didn’t remember much after crossing them.

  
  


There was so much blood, everywhere.

  
  


_Sakura._

  
  


The ANBU uniform she was given for the mission was tinted red.

  
  


_Sakura._

  
  


Her crimson-stained hands danced in her vision every time the woman closed her eyes.

  
  


“Sakura,” There’s a hand on her shoulder, and emerald eyes suddenly snap back to focus. Right, she’s still in the hospital.

  
  


Kakashi has sympathetic look in his eyes, and despite his usually discreet manner, Sakura can tell he’s worried.

  
  


“How long was I out for?” She asks, her voice sounding meek and feeble even to her own ears.

  
  


“Two days. Chakra exhaustion, but Shizune says you’re probably already good to go home,” His tone is soft, and he removes the hand from her shoulder to shove both his hands in his pockets. She merely nods at his response.

  
  


“And the rest of the squad?”

  
  


“Wolf-san and Bird-san got home with only a few cuts and bruises, no major injuries. As you can imagine, it was a pain getting them to come to the hospital to heal such trivial wounds. Can’t say I blame them,” The last part is muttered under his breath, his hospital aversion ever-present.

  
  


The pink haired woman can’t bring herself to say anything else for the longest time after that, but even though she feels like there’s a huge weight on her shoulders, the silence doesn’t bother her. She’s afraid she’ll fall apart before the first word even leaves her mouth.

  
  


She hates feeling like this. She had lost people before. At times of peace, there weren’t as many gravelly injured shinobi at the hospital as it once used to be, but it still happened every now and then. Sometimes, lives were lost.

  
  


Still, it isn’t the same. Sakura had been assigned to that mission as the squad’s medic, and they were counting on her to have their backs. In the end, she had helped taking the enemies down, but when it came to saving a comrade’s life, there was nothing she could do. And she wasn’t even supposed to engage in combat, but at the moment it felt like the best call. If she was in condition to fight, then she would help them in every way she could.

  
  


The helplessness of it all makes Sakura feel sick to her stomach.

  
  


“I received the mission report, Sakura. You did good, there was nothing else you could’ve done for Bear-san,” Kakashi’s voice breaks the silence after several minutes, and his tone indicates he’s saying nothing other than the truth. His honest opinion. After all, when it came to serious matters, the silver-haired man never lied. “I’m proud of you. As the Hokage and as your friend.”

  
  


Sakura smiles, then. The corners of her lips lift just lightly, in a melancholic manner, but the gesture somehow reaches her emerald eyes. Even when she feels like a complete failure, Kakashi can make her feel better. There it was once again, the feeling of deep understanding they had with each other.

  
  


“Thank you. I’ll do better next time,” Albeit still shaken, her voice holds a lighter tone to it.

  
  


“Mah, Sakura, I know you’re always trying to be the best you possibly can be. It’s okay,” He gives her his eye-creasing comfort smile, and shifts his body in the direction of the door. “Now, go see Naruto before he freaks out, then I wanna take you somewhere. Meet me at Training Ground Three, in about, let’s see, two hours?” Kakashi smiles at her one more time before disappearing through the door, not even waiting for her response.

  
  


_Infuriating man_ , Sakura thinks, but there’s a small smile dancing on her lips.

  
  


* * *

  
  


After being released from the hospital by Shizune – who also tells her she’s very proud, just after she finishes lecturing Sakura for running low on chakra during important missions –, she goes to find Naruto. Turns out her blonde friend was, in fact, very annoying for not being called up the second she’d opened her eyes.

  
  


Sakura playfully smacks him in the head for worrying too much and the two of them go to grab ramen at Ichiraku for lunch – although the pink haired kunoichi had been trying to convince her best fried to try a new ramen place in years, she was yet to be successful. Naruto was a _very_ loyal costumer.

  
  


“So, are you ready for the big ceremony in a few months?” Sakura inquires after the blonde orders his third bowl of miso ramen, unaffected by the troll-like manner Naruto eats after being friends with the boy for years. Besides, hanging out with him is a great distraction from the bloody images that insist on dancing behind her eyelids every now and then.

  
  


Naruto proceeds to tell her, in his ever-cheerful manner, what the last few weeks had been like. He’s been training under Kakashi’s tutelage to assume the Hokage position for a while now, though Sakura had only heard about it recently. There’s no doubt that Naruto is well suited for the position, being a war hero and all, but the politics behind the superficial facet of the job could be tricky.

  
  


The timing is as good as any, really, since she doubts Kakashi can handle being Hokage for much longer without pulling his entire silver hair out. Also, Naruto had his jonin rank for the better part of two years now, but wanted to spend sometime with Hinata and little Boruto before taking the hat from Kakashi for good.

  
  


He’s so excited about finally making Hokage that he even forgets to mention how troublesome all the paperwork is, which makes Sakura laugh under her breath before she bids her friend goodbye. She’s absolutely certain he’ll do well, so she isn’t the slightest bit worried. It had always been his dream, after all, and dreams were Naruto’s specialty.

  
  


* * *

Sakura makes her way to Training Ground Three in the following hour, after passing by her apartment to take a quick shower and change into clean clothes. Despite being there at the time they more or less agreed on, part of her expects Kakashi to be late. Perhaps her brain would never get over her genin days, when the copy-ninja never made it in time for _any_ of Team 7’s training sessions. He’d always tell them it was part of his charm, but Sakura would call him out on his bullshit every single time.

  
  


This time, however, the woman is surprised to find him already there waiting for her, leaning against a tree with Icha Icha Violence in hand. When he sees her approaching, he greets her in his characteristic “Yo,” and puts away the aggravating book.

  
  


The two of them walk in silence, Kakashi leading the way while she follows quietly. He hasn’t said where he’s taking her, but it doesn’t take Sakura very long to recognize the rather familiar path to the Memorial Stone.

The pair of elite shinobi stops in front of the kunai-shaped monument, Sakura’s stomach fluttering with the somewhat heavy atmosphere the place holds.

  
  


“I don’t know how often you come here, but you obviously know what this place is,” His voice holds a stern tone to it, every trace of playfulness gone. Sakura merely nods in response. Every shinobi knew what this place was, although most avoided even coming here. The weight of all the people who gave their lives for the sake of the village and future generations was sometimes too heavy to hold.

  
  


“I requested that Bear-san’s name was put here. I thought it would be good for you to see it, to give you some sense of closure. His name was Kage,” Kakashi points his head slightly to the monument. Up close, Sakura can see the kanji for his name carved in the black stone.

  
  


“He was a reliable shinobi to this village and died valiantly in the act of duty. He served me well, as he did Tsunade-sama before me. I’m sure he was very honored to die protecting the village he chose to devote his life to. And I’m certain he knows you did everything you could to save him, up to the very last moment. Even after that, if what I heard from the other squad members is correct,” His voice doesn’t waver as he speaks, and when Sakura steps away from the monument to look at him, his eyes hold nothing but honesty.

  
  


She feels unbelievably sad for the lost life of a man she was bound to protect, but is now beginning to accept she did all she possibly could. Maybe that would serve as an incentive the work even harder in the future, but Sakura was only human after all.

  
  


Having people by her side who urged her to be better, but also comforted her on her worst days was everything. It wasn’t about overlooking mistakes, but understanding that sometimes there’s nothing else you can do. It’s about failing, and being strong enough to accept limitations. It’s about being brave and knowing that not everything is in your hands.

  
  


“I know you feel that way sometimes, and God knows I do too, but you could never be a failure,” he whispers, his eyes trained of her petite figure. “You always look out for your friends and you take care of everyone dearly. You have a way of seeing the beauty in others even when, and perhaps especially, when that person can’t see it in themselves. You remind me of her sometimes. Rin.”

  
  


Sakura sucks in a breath, because she knows how hard it is for him to talk about his childhood friend. In retrospect, all the info she had on Obito and Rin were given by other people, not by Kakashi himself. The fact that he chooses to mention his comrade is not something Sakura takes lightly. She knows it means a lot.

  
  


“I come here everyday and apologize for failing them, and even if no one speaks back, I know they wouldn’t want me to blame myself so much for their deaths. I still do, of course, ‘cause I have to give them a reason to curse me on the other side,” He breathes a humorless laugh, his gray eyes now looking straight ahead, almost as if he’s saying all that to the wind. Perhaps it’s easier that way, Sakura muses.

  
  


“Sometimes, I catch myself thinking of their faces and all I can seem to remember is the last I saw of them. Obito’s crushed grin as he urged us to leave him behind, the light leaving Rin’s eyes, with my fist through her chest…” Kakashi’s face contorts and he lowers his head for a moment. It takes him almost a full minute to recover, and Sakura rests one small hand on his shoulder to show him she’s _there_ for him. Like she always will be.

  
  


“That’s not how it’s supposed to be. Some days it’s hard to even look at their pictures, but I keep a photograph at my desk anyway. That way I can remember their faces properly, how they would’ve wanted me to. To this day, I still picture Obito’s goofy face carved in the Hokage Mountain, with his goggles and his sharingan. It would’ve looked so much better than mine, anyway,” This time, his laughter is more genuine, and it makes Sakura smile the tiniest bit.

  
  


“You could never be a failure either, Kakashi. You taught me everything there is to know about teamwork, and you’re the kindest, goofiest man I know. And yes, you beat Obito _and_ Naruto to it,” She takes his hand in one of hers and leans her head against his shoulder. Her voice is quiet, but sincere, just like his own usually is whenever he attempts to talk some sense into her. “Also, I think your face looks nice enough on the Hokage Rock. The mask is a bit annoying, though.”

  
  


They both chuckle, despite the heavy atmosphere, and now Sakura understands why he wanted to bring her here. It’s a place of grief and reflection, and even though she still feels sad for her lost comrade, she accepts that she’s done the best she could. Bear-san had lived an honorable life and would be remembered for it. Just like Rin, and even Obito (despite his choices along the way).

  
  


And after all, she thinks while looking at their joined hands, some burdens aren’t meant to be carried alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? It wasn't so bad! Hihi, anyway, I promise to make up for it in the future (maybe bring in the ninken to lighten up the mood a bit *wink*)
> 
> Also, were you able to spot the *special* line I included in this chapter? I thought it was very fitting. 
> 
> Reviews give me life!!! See you soon <3


	3. epiphany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter, I had help from the wonderful TheCopyMistress. Thank you for being patient and helping me bring this to life! 
> 
> Another dose of domestic, fluffy KakaSaku, hope you guys enjoy it!

The first time Kakashi ever sees Sakura as more than his friend, it’s winter in Konohagakure. The cold weather isn’t always the most severe in the Hidden Village of the Leaves–unlike the frosty bite the wind in the Land of Snow seems to constantly posses–but once every a couple years, a few layers of snow pile up on the ground. At first thought, it doesn’t sound very troubling, but it’s enough to alter the well-established routine of many citizens.

He bumps into Sakura on the streets that day, strands of her coral hair–which are starting to grow longer again–coming out of the red scarf she has it tucked into. She carries a bag in her hands, and a few threads of colored yarn are visible inside. Since she’s obviously in a hurry and Kakashi doesn’t want to disturb her, he’s ready to wave goodbye to her when she calls him back and inquires about his plans.

It’s his day off from the office, and when he informs her of his lunch arrangements with Naruto, Sakura directs a sweet smile on him. _Take it easy on the ramen_ , she warns half-jokingly, and continues on her way to her destination. She’s meeting Hinata for a knitting session and is already running late because her shift in the hospital held her off.

Kakashi watches her retreating form for a minute after they depart, and for a second – a tiny, brief instant – he wonders when she had gotten so beautiful and how on earth he had missed it. Even through the several layers of clothing she wore to shield her from the crisp winter air, he could see the outline of curves he had never paid attention to before.

The man found himself constantly astonished about how much she’d improved since she decided to train under Tsunade-sama’s tutelage, to the point he was legitimately scared for his life every time he managed to cross his former student. Her progress as a shinobi is hardly any news to him, but Kakashi had never really seen her as a full-grown woman until that moment. The thought does funny things to his insides, so he’s quick to discard any further considerations on Sakura’s lean, graceful figure.

It doesn’t help at all that the two of them are constantly hanging out, with her coming to his house virtually every other day. She comes to him first when she gets back home from missions and treats him to lunch regularly. On the rare occasion that Kakashi can make Sakura feel sorry for him, she even helps him with his paperwork. To sum things up, it’s definitely not a good time to start thinking about Sakura in that way.

Kakashi, being the firm believer of the “avoid-the-problem-until-it-spontaneously-goes-away” philosophy, simply hopes those aggravating thoughts will melt away with the snow.

* * *

The first time Kakashi _suspects_ he likes Sakura more than as a friend, the flowers are starting to bloom again. She’s sitting cross-legged across from him on the grass of Training Ground Three, her brows knitted together in an expression of deep concentration as she heals a cut on his arm. He normally wouldn't bother to have her mend such a small wound, but since the slash directly beneath his ANBU tattoo was a courtesy of one of her kunai, Sakura argued that it was only fair that she healed it for him. He knows there’s no use in pressing the point further, so he just lets her.

The pair of them meet for an occasional spar every now and then, when their respective duties and busy schedules allows them a brief break from the offices. Especially for Kakashi, whose job consists mostly of sitting behind a desk all day, these rare training sessions are treasured. Despite his appreciation for the somewhat peaceful routine he now has, some days it’s impossible not to miss active duty; going out on missions was practically everything he had ever known since a very young age, so it’s hard to shake off. It’s an unsettling change of pace to not even leave the village at all for other than diplomatic reasons.

“Are you finally feeling your age? There was a time when you could dodge my advances in your sleep.” Sakura jokes, a teasing smile dancing on her lips as the green glow of chakra in her fingertips fades. She taps him once on the arm before standing up, gloved hands quick to pat her shorts to remove any remaining dirt.

“I do tell you constantly that I’m getting too old for this shit,” Kakashi mumbles his response, although he doesn’t feel hurt in the slightest by her snarky remark. He always found it hard to be mad at her no matter what she said, to the point that Naruto would joke about him having a soft spot for his pink-haired student.

However, lately the feeling was becoming more of a struggle by the day, ever since he started looking at her differently all those months ago. It aggravates him to no end, because even though Sakura is undeniably beautiful, it won’t do Kakashi any good to entertain such thoughts. He also doesn’t comment on how much his stomach flutters every time he hears someone else speak longingly of her, given that she’s unsurprisingly popular within the male population of the village these days.

Even now, with her skin covered in a thin sheet of sweat from the sparring and her cheeks tinted red from physical strain, the woman still looks beautiful. Perhaps not in the traditional sense of the word, but in the same way lightning strikes a tree and sets it ablaze; terrifying, yet ethereal. Instead of finding it intimidating, like many weak-minded men might have, it’s impossible for Kakashi not to feel attracted to her.

Maybe there’s something especially hot about the notion that she could end him in a mere flick of her wrists. Oh, man, he’s so screwed.

* * *

By the time Kakashi finally _knows_ he’s in love with Sakura, it seems like he’s the last to notice. It’s Pakkun, of all creatures, that leaves him with a feeling he can’t quite place.

“Where’s Sakura?” The brown-furred pug asks him one day, while the rest of the ninken do their best to wreck Training Ground Five. “It’s weird not seeing you two attached at the hip,” he comments, and if he weren’t a dog, Kakashi would suspect he was trying to sound nonchalant.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kakashi scratches the back of his neck, but the hint of red that tints his cheeks, visible above the mask, makes the lie all the more blatant; he could argue that the unforgiving summer heat was responsible for the blush, but none of his crap ever worked on Pakkun.

Kakashi is acutely aware of how much time he’s been spending with Sakura in the last few months, years even, and some of that has his selfish side to blame; he knows he’s no good for her, but he indulges in her company like she’s a drug he’s addicted to. It doesn’t help his case that his thoughts are constantly plagued by Sakura, and no matter how hard he tries, it seems like he can’t shake her off.

It’s just his damn luck, really, to fall in love with his former student. She’s young, smart and beautiful. He’s old, damaged and flawed. She’s the definition of strength and kindness. He can’t even be trusted to keep his own comrades safe and he’d reached the point where he’s not sure there’s much left of his scarred heart to salvage; he often wonders if he’s worthy of it, anyway.

Kakashi had never really cared before about settling down or living a different life; in fact, he suspected he didn’t know enough about a normal life to desire it, just like he didn’t know what falling in love felt like. Until he started looking at Sakura differently, none of that really mattered.

If he were a better, stronger man, it wouldn’t matter still. But he just didn’t have it in him to walk away from her, to push her away from him, despite knowing she deserved far more than what a damaged, broken man like himself could ever offer her.

“Boss?” Pakkun’s voice interrupts his thoughts, with something resembling a concerned expression on his little pug face. The silver-haired man exhales an exasperated sigh just before telling the dog about the reason behind Sakura’s absence. He doesn’t offer much detail about her mission, but Pakkun seems to be only half listening to it anyway, his large eyes still fixed on Kakashi like he knows exactly what’s going on inside the man’s head.

“You shouldn’t beat yourself up too much. You know, for liking her,” The smallest of the ninken declares after being silent for a minute, his tone stained with worry. “I don’t know much about how humans deal with mating matters, but she wouldn’t be spending so much time with you if she didn’t want to be your partner too.”

Kakashi doesn’t respond, his face contorted in a grimace as he frowns, wondering why the hell is he taking dating advice from one of his ninken.; He guesses an instant later that it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to say that Pakkun indeed knew more about romance than Kakashi himself, but the man would first drop dead before he admitted that out loud.

Neither of them speaks again, and Kakashi pretends to watch the pack wreak havoc in front of him, but his thoughts once again wonder to the pink-haired kunoichi. He feels terrible for indulging on this nonsense, but he can’t stop himself.

Because he’s selfish, because he loves her. Because he’s selfish enough to love her.

* * *

The brisk autumn breeze greets her as she walks through the gates, and Sakura rubs her bare arms in an effort to produce some heat as a shiver courses through her body. Of course, she could always direct her chakra flow for warming purposes if it need be, but her house is just a few blocks away and she’s fatigued from the long journey home.

For the last three weeks, Sakura had been in Suna assisting with the setup of the village’s new medical facility. Although she was very grateful it hadn’t involved any dangerous matters, she was tired nevertheless and relieved to be home. Despite being granted leave from the hospital in Konoha for the duration of the mission, she knew she was a very valuable asset in their day-to-day routine and didn’t want to be away for any more than strictly necessary. Besides, the weather in the Wind Country was always unpleasant, and despite knowing it was a futile whim for an elite kunoichi to have, she did hate sand.

She turns around the corner and is instantly overcome by the delicious smell coming from the tempura stand, just down the street from her modest house. Sakura is tempted to stop by and grab herself some take-out, but she’s penniless and craving the comfort of her worn-out couch more than anything. The woman has always been the kind of person who’d trade sleep for food anytime. Perhaps she could grab a bite after she took a nap; the sun had set only an hour before, so she still had time.

Sakura walks the rest of the way unhurriedly, the sound of her footsteps mingling with the slight hum of the melody she sings under her breath; she has always been very proficient at memorizing all kinds of things, but lyrics were never her forte. Once she’s only a few feet away from the house, she gives her surroundings a quick once-over with her chakra to check if the protective wards she put up are still in place; everything seems to be where it’s supposed to be.

Everything but the man waiting by her porch, his all-too-familiar silhouette partially hidden in the shadows of the early evening. It’s no surprise he had no trouble whatsoever getting past the intricate pattern of the chakra wards, despite being of a different nature than his own.

“Hey,” She greets him, the corner of her lips rising in a delicate manner as she climbs the porch steps. “Have you been standing here for long?” Her left hand travels to the pouch attached firmly to her hip, searching for her keys among the scrolls and shuriken she also keeps within the small bag; her fingers grab hold of the key-chain an instant later.

“I just got here,” His tone is nonchalant, but Sakura doesn’t miss the strain on his shoulders as he follows her inside. She can’t think of a reason for Kakashi to be tense around her, but his usually subtle carefree demeanor now seems fabricated, almost as if he doesn’t want her to notice his discomfort. Her curiosity spikes, although something tells her it’s not yet the appropriate time to broach the subject; perhaps it’s just her weary brain playing tricks on her.

“Are you here for any specific reason?” Sakura inquires in an easygoing manner, and her voice doesn’t betray any of her inner suspicions; the woman constantly wears her heart on her sleeve, but she can be casual too if the situation calls for it. She walks into the small kitchen area and leans against a counter, her fingers working briefly on the tangled mess of her pink hair as she regards the man in front of her. “Can I get you anything?” Emerald eyes study his form, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed, yet to say another word. Kakashi only shrugs in response.

“Nah, I knew you were coming home today, so I came to hang out with you,” His lips curve in a friendly smile, although the gesture doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Something is definitely off with him, Sakura concludes, but once again decides not to press the point. The man could be one elusive bastard when he wished to.

“Okay,” Sakura studies him through narrowed eyes for barely a second, then giggles softly and pushes herself away from the counter she’d been leaning against. “I’m going to take a quick shower while you figure out what’s wrong with you today.” She makes her way to the living room and pats him on the shoulder once, a knowing grin on her face. “Then I can cook us dinner, does that sound reasonable?” Sakura starts walking in the direction of her bedroom, sparing him a glance over her shoulder as he nods once in agreement.

Minutes later, she stares at her reflection in the mirror above the sink and assesses her image while she waits for the water to warm up. Although tired, Sakura doesn’t look as bad as she’d expected; there are shadows under her eyes, but they’re not nearly as dark as they could be, given that she hasn’t slept in 20 hours.

When she steps into the shower, she lets the warm water soothe her aching muscles, and while she washes her pink strands with floral green shampoo, her thoughts wonder to Kakashi’s behavior. It’s true that he’d never been an ordinary man by any means, but Sakura could still spot unordinary behavior, even in an unordinary man. She’s unable to wrap her mind around what could possibly have happened for him to act weird around her, but it bothers her. Not knowing things was a reality she had to live with constantly growing up, but even though she’s learned to accept that certain matters are beyond her reach, it doesn’t mean she likes being in the dark.

Sakura has been doing her own fair share of thinking lately, and Kakashi is a constant presence in her thoughts. The notion of how much she enjoys spending time with him isn’t new, and although she’s not usually the quickest to figure romantic matters out, it’s been awhile since she first considered actually _liking_ him. Sakura is typically a straightforward person, but when it comes to approaching someone you may have feelings for, she’s not exactly an expert. She’d never bothered to hide her infatuation for Sasuke and look at where that got her; she highly doubts the Uchiha boy ever acknowledged her as anything other than the annoying ex-teammate who kept chasing futilely after him despite his efforts to push her away.

Perhaps all she needs is a leap of faith, but Sakura has yet to gather enough courage to tell Kakashi how she feels. Maybe she’s waiting for a sign, but the woman has no idea what that could possibly be. Even a fool would be able to notice the way he looks at her sometimes when he thinks she isn’t paying attention, gray eyes affectionate and _longing_ , and that notion doesn’t evade Sakura.

But what if it’s all a huge misinterpretation on her part and she’s reading too much into things? What if the craving she sometimes thinks is visible in his eyes is nothing but a mere reflection of her own? Even though she’s now a grown woman with much more confidence than her past self and with the strength worth a hundred shinobi, the possibility of being wrong on this particular matter causes her chest to tighten in an unpleasant manner. Sakura is aware of how much of a coward that makes her, but she comforts herself by thinking she’ll deal with it eventually, when the appropriate time arrives.

With that in mind, she steps out of the shower, feeling somewhat invigorated now that she’s finally clean; after traveling for days, it feels great not to have a thick layer of dirt and sand coating her skin. Although she isn’t any closer to figuring out what’s wrong with Kakashi, she’s more at ease after having the opportunity to sort her own thoughts out. For the time being, she can focus on making them dinner.

When she walks back to the living room, now clad in sleeping shorts and a loose t-shirt, all thoughts of cooking are thrown out the window as the smell of fried vegetables fills the room. It appears she came out of the bathroom just in time, because Kakashi is taking out the second obento from the paper bag as she steps into the kitchen.

“You got tempura?” Sakura asks, unable to refrain her eager expression as she takes in the delicious smell once again. If she thought she was hungry before, now she feels almost ravenous.

“Yeah, from that place down the street you like so much. I was going to cook, but your fridge is empty,” He scratches the back of his neck in that way that’s so undeniably his, and Sakura predicts the eye-crinkling smile even before it appears on his face. She’s so grateful in that moment she could kiss him. Instead, she settles for a warm smile of her own, just after she scolds herself mentally for letting her thoughts wander down that path again.

They lower their bodies to the dining chairs a minute later, facing each other from opposite ends of the small table. She tells him about her mission as they eat, and he chukles softly every time she complains about the sand. Sakura gives him the courtesy of averting her eyes whenever he wants to take a bite of his food, focusing instead on her own. Of course she was still curious to see his face, even after all these years, but she no longer participated in Naruto’s intricate plans to see what their former sensei hid behind his mask. She just hopes that one day Kakashi will consider her close enough to show her his face without it involving any complicated shenanigans, because she highly doubts it’s a matter of trust at all. He trusts all of the them with his life, but his face was a different matter altogether.

“I’ve been thinking about adding a new ward to the hospital,” She tells him when they’re finished eating, once the dishes are done and they’re both seating comfortably side by side on her couch; the radio is on, but Sakura doesn’t know the words to the song that’s playing. Kakashi doesn’t respond, and instead just raises a silver eyebrow to urge her forward.

“We should have a mental health program. Even years after the war, I feel like many of us still struggle to… Well, to live a normal life. Sometimes it seems that shinobi don’t know how to feel useful unless their lives are action-packed, as if their worth is measured only by their accomplishments as ninja. That’s not how it’s supposed to be.” She doesn’t have the guts to look him in the eye right away, since it’s clear that her words hit home. Sakura knows it because she’d kept him in mind every time she thought of the project, because she can’t shake off the words of guilt that he had confided in her that one time by the memorial stone.

She holds her breath for a second, and the heavy silence that settles between them makes Sakura question whether the idea is really as good as she originally thought it was. The moment seems to stretch longer, and she fidgets in anticipation.

“I think it’s a great idea, Sakura,” He tells her after a few bated breaths, and his voice doesn’t carry any of the tension she expected it to; relief instantly washes over her, and Sakura is very grateful that he doesn’t take it personally. “Naruto will be taking office in a few weeks, but I think we can still make arrangements before that. You’ll have to start small, of course, but I’m certain you’ll do well.”

“Thank you,” Sakura whispers privately, a wide smile adorning her lips as her eyes gleam with joy. Absentmindedly, she leans against Kakashi’s side and rests her head on his shoulder. He smells like soap and musk and _him_ , and she inhales deeply a couple of times in an unconscious attempt to feel him in her lungs. Up close, Sakura can hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, and the comfortable pattern of his breathing almost lulls her to sleep.

She doesn’t know precisely how much time passes until her drowsy stupor is broken by Kakashi moving beside her, and she blinks repeatedly in order to regain focus through the sleepy fog that clouds her thoughts.

“You need to get some rest,” His voice permeates her brain an instant later, and Sakura’s incoherent response is mumbled against his shoulder. “I should probably go,” Kakashi attempts to move, but the woman next to him seems hell-bent on keeping him in place. She spares him a glance, her green eyes more attentive, and something appears to click into place behind the emerald irises.

Sakura has no idea of what propels her forward in that moment, but instead of giving him space to stand up, she cups his face with both her hands, her palms touching the fabric of his mask while her thumbs caress the pale skin of his cheekbones.

“Stay.” Green eyes gaze intently into Kakashi’s gray ones as she whispers. Although for a brief second it feels like he’s going to push her away, he stands perfectly still as Sakura brings her face closer to his. With a surge of sudden courage that doesn’t seem like her own, delicate pink lips touch his masked ones, and even though she can’t feel his skin, the outline of his mouth against hers through the fabric is enough to strip the breath from her lungs.

“Sakura…” Kakashi’s eyes reflect inner struggle for a second, and it’s enough to send Sakura’s mind spiraling, thoughts of regret and guilty plaguing her as she moves away from him slightly. She had definitely read things wrong. The woman considers a thousand different apologies, and already has one on the tip of her tongue when Kakashi exhales a deep sigh next to her.

“Okay,” he whispers back, his voice a little uncertain, although he seems to have made up his mind. Sakura fixes her eyes on the man next to her once again, a puzzled expression on her face.

“Okay?” She inquires once again, a part of her in need of assurance. She doesn’t want him to stay just to placate her. And yet, despite all of her doubts and the million questions her eyes silently asked him, Kakashi nods him head in confirmation, more certainly this time. He lifts a hand to her face, his thumb caressing the shape of her lips softly while his gray eyes study her.

And despite all of their usual reservations and skeptical thoughts, he stays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since AO3 is going through maintenance, follow me on tumblr (heavenwrites) to make sure you don't miss any updates! 
> 
> Thoughts are appreciated!


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